You make me feel ♥

thank you :) you are beautiful too!!! 

Aww yay :) that’s why I have it. I love making people’s day lol.

• 1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? Already have one, his name is Corey <3
• 11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months? Yes :) my longest relationship was 2 years so I think it can happen again 
• 16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like? Yes. Corey makes em feel really nervous even though I tell him not to be nervous around me lol
• 17.Will you get married? Only if I find the right guy for me.
• 19.Does anyone like you? I’d hope my boyfriend lol Idk about anyone else cause I could care less
• 25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it? Yes
• 26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do? Smile and walk away cause it’s not me haha
• 31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend? I thought I did once, but he was a loser and I had no idea why I even wanted to like him haha
• 40.Are you currently in a relationship? Yes :)
• 42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate? Yes even if they aren’t the best people in the world.
• 44.Have you ever had your heart broken? Yes but it’s getting repaired everyday that I’m breathing 
• 45.Your thoughts of long distance relationships? I don’t mind them, I’m just really bad at them… I like the physical touch of my significant other so distance is hard for me to concept that they are still there.
• 46.How many kids do you want to have? 3 - 2 girls and 1 boy
• 47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them? Not really, because everyone I have liked, told me the same thing or showed me with body language. 
• Thank you for asking :) 

Boys, just because you can’t have/get the girl you want, doesn’t mean you should try to completely ruin their reputation. Why? Because yes, Paul, I said and did somethings I am not proud of when I was with you. And yes I’m trying to stay away from you to make myself happy because you make me cut my arms the most out of anything. So please, just leave me alone? What are you going to get out of making fun of me, calling me a slut or trying to talk to my current boyfriend?? You think that will break him and I up? Sorry to break it to you, but it might just make our new relationship stronger. Corey loves me for everything that I hate about myself. Me and you, we’re over, the bond we had becomes weaker everyday. I don’t want to be in your life. Yes in 9th grade you were my first real love but I’m not a 9th grader anymore. I’m not some little kid you can break again and again. I’ve given you more chances than I can count on my fingers but you just keep messing it up. You have to just let it go. I’m sorry. 

My life right now consists of me being happy, and you trying to hurt me 24/7 doesn’t make me happy. Maybe you are the reason I started cutting more this year. After 6 years of not being together and then we started to dating again, I never had/wanted to cut as much before as I do now. You are the death of me. You have put me through so much and cheated on me several times. But sweetie, I’m not wasting my time with you. I don’t need you, not like I thought. You make me stronger and you make me want to have a better relationship with Corey. He’s nothing like you and I’m so happy that he is sharing his life with me. I couldn’t be more happy then the state I’m in right now. I’ve got this amazing guy that wants me to be in my life and he’s been in mine since kindergarden. He’s everything in someone that I could ask for. If we broke up, I would still be strong. 

I don’t need a guy to fulfill every dream of mine. Only I can do that. When I was starting to write this, I actually was upset and right now, I’m not. I feel so calm that it’s crazy. I have never been able to stand up for myself in a way that I wasn’t angry and even though you most likely won’t read this since you don’t have a tumblr, I thank you for making me stronger. I also thank you for teaching me that if someone is out to ruin my day that I’m not going to focus on it. I’m not going to let anyone hurt me. I’m myself. No one can be me except me. I love being who I am even with depression. 

I am so happy with myself. I just feel amazing. Now I know what it’s like when I step back and think about all the things/people that have influenced my life and have broke me down and I just think wow… It’s time to end the madness. It’s the past. I don’t need to always open up that closet, even if the memories are superglued to my brain lol. But I will learn to just move straight through it. It won’t be easy, but I’m so ready to do that. I’m so ready to be me again. Before 9th grade, before Paul, before my depression, before my parents divorce, before the abuse. There’s nothing better than letting go. You don’t need to hold on to the bad memories… have them, but don’t spread them out on your kitchen table. Keep them locked away for when I grow old with the person I love, that I don’t need memories to be happy, I will just live everyday like it’s my last and I will make mistakes and learn from them. 

I feel at peace with myself… finally after 6 and 1/2 years of feeling the way I never want to feel again. Thank you for making me stronger.